Celebrate Calm newsletter

The following newsletter is from Kirk Martin and is posted with permission. Check out www.celebratecalm.com Sign up for free e-newsletters and special offers.

Casey: How Kids Can Have Better Moods & Attitudes
Tonight: Woodbridge, VA (Dec. 3, 2009)
Calm Casey Workshop on Sunday, Dec. 6 (two spaces remain)
Next week: Ashburn, D.C./Georgetown & Sterling

Hope to see new friends in Woodbridge, VA tonight. Two families had to cancel for Sunday's Calm Casey Kids Workshop...so please let us know if you want to attend and we'll send you details.

Click here for the Celebrate Calm Facebook page with events and tips. www.facebook.com/pages/Hendersonville-TN/Celebrate-Calm/157027348528

Casey has been working out with me five days a week and it's made huge improvements in his focus and attitude. Last Friday, he put his sandals and sweatshirt on my workout bag at the gym. When I finished my workout and headed to the car, I grabbed my bag, but left his sandals and sweatshirt in the gym.

We got home and had to shower before heading downtown to help feed the homeless (HUGE SIDE TIP: service projects with your big-hearted kids is a GREAT thing to do). He came into the bedroom-and because of HIS anxiety-demanded that we go back to the gym. It was my fault, of course! Well, I don't do demanding. It's an immediate way to get me to slow down.

So I responded, impulsively, with a smart comment about the fact that he doesn't get to command me to do anything. Naturally, this prompted him to begin ranting. I was smiling while I said it, but I still inflamed the situation.

I realized where this was headed and decided to reset using these steps:
1. I sat down. Practicing a calm posture is my first step in any stressful situation with anyone.

"Kirk, I am a police officer and most of my calls are domestic disturbances. I can't always sit down because of policy and procedure, but when I enter a home, the first thing I ask each of the parties to do is sit down. It immediately lowers the tension, reduces aggression and calms the situation. I've used this with my kids and it has led to some of the greatest talks instead of more fights."
Policeman in Canton, OH

2. I use our pre-established code word that means we need to stop and talk: "chips and salsa." When we began learning to speak calmly to each other, we'd step away, grab some chips and salsa, sit on the deck and talk. Now the phrase is a clue to immediately stop and reset. During the heat of the battle, our kids don't hear much-that's why having verbal (code word) and non-verbal (sitting down) cues are important.

It works much better than each of us raising our voices, trying to outdo each other, trying to get the other to listen to OUR point of view, because, you know, each of us is always right and needs to prove it. (I know you are nodding your head right now).

"Kirk, my son and I used to have all-out wars every evening. He was angry since the divorce and I couldn't believe what I'd hear coming from his mouth and the more I lectured, the worse it got. He just couldn't stop. He was sitting at the table one night with his iPod on while I was fixing dinner and listening to the defiance CDs. I didn't even know he was listening until he blurted out, 'That'll work, Mom. Our code word should be Uno.' He must have thought I was cutting up onions because I started to cry. Since he was a little guy, we had always played Uno together-it was one time when we'd always laugh and have a good time.

But for the past few years, we didn't have many of those moments-it was just yelling and grounding him constantly. Well, the next night, we got into a battle over weekend plans he had made without my consent. In the middle of it, my son gets this funny look on his face and yells, 'UNO!' He went and grabbed the Uno cards and started dealing them at the table. We sat down and while we played, we talked about the weekend plans, apologized to each other and even laughed. You gave us a tool to work through our problems and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to laugh with my son again."

3. I apologized. "Hey, Casey, I'm sorry." Powerful, modeling words from an adult. This can lead to teachable moments.

4. I addressed his concerns/root need, with a specific, concrete solution. The antidote to anxiety (fear of the unknown/Am I going to be late or lose my sweatshirt?) is to provide concrete actions. Denying their frustration or just saying, "It'll be fine" or "We'll take care of it later" doesn't work. Because your kids know you are just saying that to get them to shut up!

"Casey, I know you are anxious because you don't want to be late to see Reggie, Obbie and Daniel (he has gotten to know some of the homeless guys quite well and was going to take his guitar to play with one guy known as The Professor, who ended up giving Casey a lesson!) and you also don't want to lose your sweatshirt. So let's each grab a quick shower, I'll get the food loaded and I promise we'll have time to stop by the gym on the way downtown. Cool?"

With that, his anxiety was relieved. His face, body language and tone changed immediately. "Thanks, Dad. I'll help you load stuff, too."

5. Create a success. When our kids continually have meltdowns, talk back and get in trouble, it creates a debilitating sense of failure inside. They feel like "bad" kids; they feel inferior to siblings and classmates; they begin to shut down or live down to the expectation of failure. That's another reason providing tools is so important--we want our kids to be and feel successful.

When I got into the car and headed downtown with Casey, I was able to compliment him. "Casey, thanks for calming down and helping me out. You did a good job and I appreciate it."

Give your kids powerful, practical tools to make 2010 the year your family changes forever.

Kids are listening to Casey's CD and emailing him questions, which is a great sign. It means they are engaged and taking ownership.

Parent Empowerment Call - Dec. 3

Here is the information for the next toll-free call-in for parents in Illinois who have a child with an emotional and/or behavioral concern. These calls are scheduled about once a month, always with a toll-free number, and they cover various topics on how to advocate for your child. Last month’s topic was about school issues.

The topic for the next Parent Empowerment Call will be "Preparing for your child's psychiatric appointment”, and the speaker will be Myra L. Kamran, MD. A noon call is scheduled and the call-in will also be offered at 7:00PM.

Details for the calls are

Thursday, December 3, 2009
12:00 PM-1:00 PM CST
Toll free: 1-866-233-3852
Participant Access Code: 115788

OR

Thursday, December 3, 2009
7:00 PM-8:00 PM CST
Toll free: 1-866-233-3852
Participant Access Code: 115789

Questions about the Parent Empowerment Calls? Call 618.838.9382

These are educational calls being offered to all parents in Illinois who have a child with an emotional and/or behavioral concern, and will focus on giving parents information they need to advocate for and support their children.

The calls are sponsored by the Illinois Department of Human Services, Division of Mental Health, Child and Adolescent Services.

"It's all about the kids"

An area parent forwarded information to me about a website and organization in Chicago that is working hard to change Chicago public schools.

Also included was a Chicago parent's comment. When she hears "It's all about the kids," she said, "I've learned to start turning over rocks whenever I hear that phrase."

Maybe there should have been an exclamation point at the end of her sentence.

Check out http://pureparents.org/index.php?blog/show/Too_poor_a_choice

Just last week I watched The Freedom Writers again. It's based on a true story about a first-year teacher, Erin Gruwell, in Long Beach, California.

Parents need to find these teachers in their school systems and make certain to support them! They are out there.

Schools must stop bullying

Today's Northwest Herald (Sunday, November 1; page 1D) carries an excellent article by Jami Kunzer about bullying in schools. What school district is involved? Woodstock District 200!

I heard Kelly Kucharski speak at the recent MCC event put together by Principled Minds, a new not-for-profit organization established by Harold Rail of Afterglow Creative Services, here in Woodstock.

It's too bad that you'll have to buy today's Northwest Herald to read this article. Apparently, it's not online, where it could be read and forwarded widely within District 200. A search on www.nwherald.com for "Kucharski" or "bullies" or "principled" does not find the article. I was told last week that NWH is having trouble with its search engine. It shouldn't be that hard to fix!

I have known of bullying in Woodstock District 200 schools since about 1998 and have fought many battles with them. Putting an end to bullying in District 200 is like trying to win the war in Afghanistan. Just when you think you winning, another "explosion" occurs and you find out you are losing.

And I can tell you from first-hand experience that it is not just the students who bully other students.

An Illinois State Board of Education (ISBE) technical consultant was called in late one school year. Although she visited a student's classrooms on only one day and for only four hours, she reported that she had observed a teacher and staff "interacting inappropriately with the student, causing an escalation in undesirable behavior." Oh, you mean "bullying"...

When your kid comes home and reports problems at school, believe your kid first. When the school folks tell you that could never happen in their school, do not automatically believe them and distrust your own kid.

Parents must get involved and stay involved. We must stop all bullying in our schools!

Bullying in McHenry County

Principled Minds, a non-profit, tax-exempt organization in Woodstock, presented a program this evening at McHenry County College (MCC) that was designed to educate teachers, school administrators and staff, parents and students about bullying in schools.

When Harold Rail, executive director of Principled Minds, introduced the program, he mentioned that they had notified every school district in McHenry County. The Northwest Herald published a 6-column spread on this event, but it didn't publish it until this morning and then it was placed on Page 4C. Principled Minds had hoped for publicity in the Northwest Herald last week but didn't get it.

Apart from one MCC class that showed up for a while (perhaps about the amount of time remaining in the class after the program's 7:00PM starting time), there were only about 6-8 adults in the audience.

The panel included a school administrator, a teacher, a youth worker from Youth Service Bureau, a single mother of two young students, and a 20-year-old MCC student.

The mother described a lengthy period of bullying of her older daughter, now 9, in an elementary school in Crystal Lake. School officials and Crystal Lake police took little interest, except for one Crystal Lake officer. Only the mother's persistence finally got results, then coupled with a good counselor and social worker at the child's school. The bully? Another girl in the class.

The MCC student described years of being bullied in Woodstock District 200. He commented how one of the vice-deans ignored physical contact-bullying in the halls, yet confiscated a bottle of soda from a different student.

I am personally and intimately familiar with one District 200 student's experience with bullying from 5th Grade through 9th Grade. What I hadn't realized was that the bullying was not only by other students, but also by District employees. When the school tried to figure out the reason for poor attendance, a Functional Behavior Assessment was attempted.

I say "attempted", because the six-week study resulted in useless data. When I complained directly to the Superintendent, she ordered a consultant from the Illinois State Board of Education. The consultant could only visit the school one day for four hours, but in that short time period of visiting the student's classes she observed, and later reported in an IEP Team meeting, that staff and teacher "interacted inappropriately with the student which resulted in an increase in undesirable behavior."

To which I said, "Oh, you mean 'bullying'!"

Parents must find out about bullying. Create an atmosphere of trust with your child, so that your child can tell you what is really going on at school. And make sure that your child has someone at school he can trust and talk to. And then get on the school like flies on honey, and stick to them until the bullying is stopped.

And document, document, document. Write everything done.

If you are a parent of any student in a McHenry County, Illinois school (special education or not), tomorrow call the principal of your child's school and find out why you didn't get a notice about tonight's meeting at MCC (if you didn't get a notice).

How many students are there in McHenry County? Tomorrow I'll find out. If notices had gone home to every household or if they had been distributed via email to parents, wouldn't you think that there might have been 50-100-200 parents at MCC tonight?

Contact Principled Minds at 227 North Throop Street, Woodstock, IL 60098 or by telephone at 815/337-0550.

Delaware school backs up

Zachary Christie, 6, is to be reinstated in his first grade and record of his suspension is to be expunged, according to an article this morning in the New York Times.

No doubt that the public outcry from around the nation and the world woke up the Christina School District in Wilmington, Delaware, the district for Zach's school - Downes Elementary School in Newark, Delaware.

Go to www.helpzachary.com and read about this boy and his mother.

And read the New York Times' articles about Zach. Go to www.nytimes.com and search for "Zachary". Or you can read the current article (as of this writing) at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/14/education/14discipline.html?_r=1&scp=5&sq=zachary&st=cse

This correct action occurred, in great part, because Zach's mother was savvy and unafraid of the school board. The web expertise and national publicity no doubt helped immensely. There was no way for the Christina School District to sweep Zach's case under the rug.

Delaware school quickly changes policy

The Delaware school district that is hammering Zachary Christie for taking a Cub Scout eating utensil set to school is quickly changing its policy, although it appears from initial news reports that it might still suspend him for a few days.

They'll likely sentence him to "time served" and let him back in school. Even at that, it's the wrong decision, because he never took a "weapon" to school in the first place!

But how do you give a kid back 2-3-5-10 days out of his life?

Read more on www.nytimes.com Just do a search for his name. And go to www.helpzachary.com for complete information.

School is the ultimate bully

Zachary Christie, 6, was kicked out of school for taking a Cub Scout eating utensil to school for lunchtime.

Fair? Reasonable? Ethical? Right?

Wrong!

A stupid zero-tolerance policy against weapons ensnarled a boy proud of his new Cub Scout affiliation and tool. Read the entire article in the New York Times here:
www.nytimes.com/2009/10/12/education/12discipline.html?_r=1&hp

Could this happen in Woodstock? You betcha.

Should it happen? No way!

What in the world are we teaching and modeling for kids these days? They will be afraid to step on a crack in the sidewalk.

Zero-tolerance is for weapons! That's w-e-a-p-o-n-s.

Check the purses of all the teachers. Think you might find a nail file in one of them? In two or three? In all of them? Well, there's a weapon!

Check the glove compartment for a little pocketknife with a screwdriver. Is this taking a w-e-a-p-o-n onto school grounds?

How about that sharpened pencil in the teacher's shirt pocket? Sure looks like a weapon to me!

The time to find out about stupid school policies is now.

The next District 200 School Board meeting is - well, it seems that no future meetings of the D200 School Board are posted on its website http://www.woodstockschools.org/ The Board usually meets on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays at 7:00PM, and it has been meeting at the Clay PDC (that's Clay Academy, at 112 Grove Street (corner of Clay and Grove Streets)). The second Tuesday of this month is Tuesday, October 13.

Let's find out right now where District 200 starts on nonsensical positions like the one taken by Christina School District in Newark, Delaware. How many School Board members will be there with sharp objects in their pockets? All of them? They meet in a school. Should they all be arrested?

What did Zach have to say about all this?

“I just think the other kids may tease me for being in trouble,” he said, pausing before adding, “but I think the rules are what is wrong, not me.”

Now there is a smart young man! Want to support him? Go to www.helpzachary.com You'll find the address for the school and the superintendent's email address there.

End the Special-Ed Racket

The following article, by Marcus A. Winters and Jay P. Greene should be read by every parent of a child in special education. Mr. Winters is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute. Mr. Greene is a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute and the head of the Department of Education Reform at the University of Arkansas. Their new report, “How Special-Ed Vouchers Keep Kids From Being Mislabeled as Disabled,” is available at www.manhattan-institute.org

"Vouchers can reduce false diagnoses of learning disabilities while helping both the truly disabled and the misdiagnosed.

"Your fourth grader is struggling in school, and you aren’t sure why. At his teacher’s suggestion, you hesitantly agree to let the school district test him for a learning disability. If he has one, they tell you, he will qualify for additional instruction through special education. You assume that the school district’s decision will depend entirely on whether your child is actually disabled.

"Unfortunately, the district may take into account more than just your child’s condition. A growing body of evidence indicates that much of the tremendous growth in special-education programs across the United States is the result of financial and other incentives, rather than a true increase in disabilities. But new research also suggests that school vouchers targeted to disabled students could reduce this artificial growth, saving taxpayers money and keeping kids from the sting of being mislabeled as disabled.

"Between 1977 and 2007, the percentage of students enrolled in federally supported disability programs increased by more than two-thirds. Such programs now serve 13.8 percent of public-school students in the U.S. Much of this growth has come in a single category known as Specific Learning Disability (SLD), which includes conditions such as perceptual handicaps, developmental aphasia, and dyslexia. In the last three decades, SLD diagnoses have increased from 1.8 percent to 5.4 percent of all public-school students. They now account for 40 percent of students in special education.

"Since special-education students cost more to educate, growth in special-education rolls has been blamed for a substantial portion of the increase in public-education spending. For instance, New York State spends an average of $14,413 per year more to educate a disabled student than a regular-enrollment student. Most taxpayers are willing to pay extra to ensure that disabled kids get the services they need. But what if not all of these kids are really disabled? Not only would that be a waste of money; it would harm truly disabled students by overburdening the resources that are meant to serve them and mixing them with students whose educational needs are very different.

"In most states, schools receive additional resources for each student placed into special education. Schools therefore have an incentive to label marginal students as disabled if doing so will bring in more money than it costs in additional services. Research suggests that schools respond to such incentives. For instance, the University of California’s Julie Berry Cullen found that financial incentives to diagnose students as disabled explained as much as 40 percent of the growth in special education in Texas during the early 1990s.

"Financial incentives are particularly important in low-level disability categories like SLD, where a diagnosis is easily fudged. While you need pretty solid evidence to diagnose a child with a traumatic brain injury or other severe disabilities, schools have plenty of leeway on SLD. Some research suggests that public schools use low achievement alone to serve as an indicator of SLD. Studies dating back to the 1980s found that SLD students are indistinguishable from low-achieving regular-enrollment students, with one study estimating that over half the students identified as SLD in Colorado did not fit either federal or state definitions for SLD.

"The idea that schools benefit financially from increasing their special-education rolls doesn’t square with what most people have been told. In fact, school systems frequently complain that special education is a drain on their resources. Yet while special-education services do impose costs on schools, most states provide substantial additional revenue for each diagnosed student; in many cases, this more than covers the cost. Further, not everything spent on disabled students is an expense. For instance, schools might already offer group instruction focused on reading skills to students who are behind. If they’re regular-enrollment students, it comes out of the school’s budget. But if those students are diagnosed with an SLD, the services are subsidized by the state and federal governments. So while the school’s costs might not change significantly because of SLD diagnoses, its revenue would.

"Shifting non-disabled students into special education does them substantial harm. Misidentified students are unnecessarily stigmatized, and the diagnosis encourages the student, the school, and even the parents to lower their expectations. And labeling students who are merely struggling as disabled sidesteps problems that should be addressed head-on.

"School-voucher policies targeted to disabled students can reduce the financial incentive for over-diagnosis, because they would let a student diagnosed with a learning disability leave the school, taking all of his funding with him. Currently, more than 21,000 special-education students in Florida, Georgia, and Utah (along with Ohio, whose program applies to autistic children only) use taxpayer-funded vouchers to pay at least part of their tuition at a private school.

"Our own recent research shows that Florida’s schools have responded to its voucher program by reducing the number of students they report as having SLDs. When a private school willing to accept state vouchers opens near a public school, the public school becomes significantly less likely to classify a student as having an SLD — presumably for fear of losing students and the funding they bring.

"Vouchers are controversial, of course, but in this case most of the common arguments against them (right or wrong) don’t even apply. The main argument made today by opponents of voucher programs is that they rob public schools of their best students and deprive them of scarce financial resources. But the first half of that claim cannot characterize a program that targets students who are performing poorly, and, as for the latter half, if educating special-education students costs more than the value of the additional resources they bring in — as public schools contend — then the public schools will benefit from having these drains on their resources removed. Congress could help significantly by requiring that federal special-education funding be used to pay for private-school tuition if the parent so chooses.

"The commitment to educate disabled students was one of the most laudable education-policy achievements of the 20th century. Before federal law required schools to educate them, most disabled students simply went unschooled. But as often happens with well-intentioned social programs, special education is now being used for purposes its originators never imagined. By removing the financial incentives to mislabel students, we can continue to make sure that disabled students get the resources they need, and better address the problems of non-disabled students who fall behind because their school is failing them."

CelebrateCalm - Oct. 16-17

Kirk Martin and his son, Casey, 16, will be in Elmhurt for two free workshops. This father-son team is worth the trip to Elmhurst!!!

1. Free Parents & Teachers Workshop, Friday evening, October 16
2. Free Calm Casey/Calm Kirk Joint Kids & Parents Workshop on Saturday morning, October 17

Please spread the word and come on out.

Kirk and Casey have something very special planned for next weekend in Chicagoland. Both events are FREE and open to the public. There is no need to register. They want to reach as many kids and parents as possible, so please forward this to your PTA/PTO, your church, synagogue and to youth leaders, online support groups, CHADD groups, MOMS Clubs, family, friends and neighbors.

Friday, October 16, 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Sandburg Middle School, 345 E. Saint Charles Rd., Elmhurst, IL 60126
Parents & Teachers Workshop

On Friday evening, October 16th, Kirk will be presenting a Workshop for Parents & Teachers with an emphasis on dealing with anxiety, sensory issues, motivation, defiance, calming an upset child and improving focus in school. This is free and open to parents and teachers.

Saturday, October 17, 9:30am-11:30am
Sandburg Middle School, 345 E. Saint Charles Rd./ Elmhurst, IL 60126
Joint presentation for kids & parents together
The workshop's title is "Calm Casey & Calm Parents--How to Have a Calm Home" Workshop for Kids & Parents. Casey and Kirk are going to be presenting a joint workshop for both kids and parents together on Saturday. They're taking the best of the "Calm Casey Straight Talk for Kids Workshop" and combining it with a special message for parents.

Their goal? To help both kids and parents get control of their emotions and create the calm home everyone craves.

The middle school in Elmhurst has a stage where they can present skits for the kids and get them more involved. This is going to have a huge impact on families and it's their way of saying thanks to families in Chicago.

For more information and schedules in other cities, visit www.celebratecalm.com Be sure to subscribe to the free e-newsletter.

Voice Your Choice

Are you interested in schools in Illinois?

Check this out: www.schoolchoiceillinois.org

School Choice Illinois would like to initiate an open dialogue about the School Choice Movement in Illinois as well as what is happening nationally regarding educational policy. We are a public advocacy organization that seeks to inform and therefore empower citizens to become active in their child’s education and their surrounding community’s possibilities.

You can add to the discussion or begin your own!

This line caught my eye: "One size does not fit all." That concept is often associated with special education, but I remember one high school principal, in Northfield (I believe), who told an audience of teachers and parents that he believed every student should have an IEP(Individualized Education Plan). He got a huge round of applause for that statement!

Take away recess? No!

Should teachers take away recess from kindergartners, first graders, second graders?

You know. The class is noisy. The class won't quiet down. It's a beautiful day outside - sunny, warm, nice breeze, pretty clouds. A few kids are antsy, talkative, wiggling around in their seats.

You're the teacher. You're big; they're small. You're standing; they're sitting. You're in charge; they're not. So you tell them to quiet down or they won't get any recess. Then you tell them that, if they won't quiet down, they'll miss both recesses that day! That all of them will miss recess, if the few don't quiet down.

Good move; right? WRONG! You have just bought yourself a day of disruption, more discontent, more stress. For you and for them.

Any parent will tell you that kids need recess. I asked my 5th Grade granddaughter recently what the best part of her school day was. "Recess!"

They need to get outside and blow off some steam, so that they can come back in and try to sit through hours more of listening, sitting, "learning." Remember... you are on your feet, moving around. They are not.

Don't take my word for it. Yesterday's speaker at MCC, Eric Guy, gave exactly that advice. Too bad that there weren't hundreds of teachers in the MCC Conference Center to hear him.

And today Kirk Martin's e-newsletter from www.celebratecom.com includes this admonishment to teachers who find themselves with a disruptive child in the classroom: "Side tip for teachers: please never ever take away recess. It does not motivate kids and ends up hurting you because a child who doesn't get exercise will have more attention and behavior issues. Instead, give the child a purposeful mission--have the student create a poster or pick up trash on the playground. 'Let's see how much trash you can put in the bag in 7 ½ minutes.' He lost playtime, but now he has a job to do and is connecting with you in a positive way. This is HUGE. Be sure to praise for a good job picking up trash."

Great Relationship Seminar Today

Today's seminar, A New Perspective in Dealing with the Challenging Behaviors of Chidlren and Adolescents, at MCC was absolutely first-class. Eric Guy, M.S.W., L.S.W., from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, addressed a group of parents and clinicians from 8:00-4:00PM and provided a wide amount of information to help the audience understand and interact with their children and clients who are affected by behavioral and emotional disturbances.

Eric is the type of speaker you want in front of an audience. All day he spoke from the front of the stage, only occasionally retreating to the podium to cue a video clip for projection onto the large screen. Eric didn't "lecture" - he spoke from his heart with valuable information and personal stories.

You can learn more about Eric at http://www.centerforvictory.com/

Eric will return to McHenry County for a Level 1 Certification and Intensive Attachment Training. The 2 1/2-day Intensive will be November 19-21 at MCC. Check out his website and http://www.allchildrenwanttolearn.com/

For more information on the Intensive, contact Natalie Eckman at eckman.natalie@yahoo.com or Dawn Carmichael, L.C.P.C., in Rockford at 815.968.5342

Today's program was sponsored, in part, by FamiliesETC (Families Empowered to Change), part of the Family CARE Project of the McHenry County Mental Health Board, and now located in McHenry in the former offices of Family Services at 5320 West Elm Street. Contact mary@familiesetc.org for information about parent support groups and other trainings.

Need Special Ed Help?

The Special Ed Advocacy Center (“SEAC”), established April 2004, is a non-profit, §501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization whose mission is to ensure that children with disabilities in the Chicago metropolitan area receive all appropriate educational services provided under current law. The SEAC service area includes: Cook, DuPage, Grundy, Kane, Kendall, Lake, McHenry and Will Counties.

The SEAC accomplishes its mission by providing free legal representation to low-income parents and caregivers of children with disabilities seeking to obtain appropriate educational and early intervention services for their children; educating parents and caregivers, school personnel and others through conducting programs concerning their rights and responsibilities under current special education law; and increasing public awareness and understanding of special education law.

Between January 1, 2008 and December 31, 2008, the SEAC assisted 497 families by answering intake calls and representing parents and caregivers; conducted two dozen educational seminars; and participated in numerous educational programs for law students, educators and the special needs community.

The SEAC is ready to assist with any special education issues that arise during the school year.

General brochures are available in English and Spanish.

For more information, contact Jill M. Dressner, Executive Director/Attorney at Law, c/o SPECIAL ED ADVOCACY CENTER, 1935 S. Plum Grove Road, PMB #274, Palatine, IL 60067; via telephone (847) 736-8286; by fax (847) 397-7011; by email at seac@specialedadvocacycenter.org; or visit its website at http://www.specialedadvocacycenter.org/

Behavioral Specialist - Thursday at MCC

On (this!) Thursday, September 17, Pennsylvania-based behavioral specialist Eric Guy will present a day-long seminar at McHenry County College. Registration begins at 7:15AM. The seminar will be 8:00AM-4:00PM in the Conference Center of the College at 8900 West U.S. Highway 14, Crystal Lake (for you out-of-towners).

To register, contact Natalie Eckman. The fee is $25.00
eckman.natalie@yahoo.com
847/669-1044

Eric Guy, MSW, LSW, is the owner and director of Center for Victory based in Beaver Falls, PA. He is an internationally recognized specialist in the treatment of behavioral and emotional disturbances in children and adults.

Mr. Guy currently lectures and provides consultations on various topics including foster care and adoption; trauma; attachment and bonding; and residential treatment.

Through the therapeutic process, Mr. Guy's goal is to use the knowledge and experience he has gained to increase the feeling of security, address issues and help one reach new conclusions about his or her life experiences.

Individuals and families are provided with intensive customized programming that empowers the individual or family's awareness and understanding of dysregulation in today's world.

Research indicates 87% of children who demonstrate the most disruptive and disturbing behaviors have experienced trauma.

Early life trauma creates an indelible imprint upon the child’s brain that often times goes years without being adequately addressed.

Unfortunately these children seldom receive the support needed to help mend these emotional injuries. In fact, many conventional therapies and parenting strategies unwittingly add to these injuries rather than promote healing.

Many such children go on to be diagnosed with common mental health disorders like:

• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
• Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
• Conduct Disorder (CD)
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Childhood Depression

Such disorders are correlated with severe behaviors such as: Lying, stealing, hoarding, gorging, aggression, defiance, self-mutilation, and learning difficulties.

This course offers specific, step-by-step strategies and interventions to these troublesome behaviors. If you were ever looking for simple insights to severe behaviors that can have an immediate impact, this is the seminar for you!

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN:

• The root cause of severe behaviors
• Why anger is necessary to survival
• The impact of stress and trauma on the developing brain
• What fear has in common with stress and severe behavior
• A guaranteed effective, step-by-step technique for overcoming lying
• The connection between stealing, self-mutilation, hoarding and addiction
• How to understand the “Child Addict”
• How to use a love-based consequence model for severe behavior
• How traditional consequences are fear-based and can do more harm than good
• How Bruce Perry’s research on the brain can change the way we see severe behavior
• What is truly at the root of defiance
• Why control as we’ve learned it causes more power struggles
• How to create the “Therapeutic Environment” without a lifetime of therapy
• Specific steps to immediately impact your child’s positive outlook on life
• Specific parenting techniques that foster love and openness, and the ones that create more stress and fear. And WHY!

Your Kid's IEP - ready to go?

If you have a child in Special Education, the first day of school is right around the corner. Is your child's IEP up-to-date and ready to be implemented?

Many schools want to wait until school starts to refresh teachers on conditions and requirements of IEPs for their special ed students. Valuable time is lost by this delay.

Contact your child's special education department now and request a review and refresher of the accommodations in your child's IEP. Ask questions. Get answers. Get a clear understanding as to who is to do what, and when.

Don't settle for any assignment of some duty or task to "Team Member." "Team Member" means that no one is accountable. Somebody's name or title should be associated with every accommodation in the IEP.

How do I know this? Because I have seen "Team Member" in IEPs for too many years. And even though I have asked for an individual to be tasked with a duty, it doesn't happen because it is a school staff member who types up the IEP

A school/home notebook is a good way to maintain communications with teachers. Email is good, too. Too often the school/home notebook is an accommodation listed in the IEP that gets ignored very early in the school year. Don't let this happen.

If it is to go back and forth every day and the pattern changes after the first two weeks, clear it up - fast. Be specific in the IEP that it is be used daily. This is how you identify problems quickly and solve them while they are small (and economical).

There are many excellent resources for good school/home communications.

ATTN. Woodstock Special Ed Parents

You'll want to become aware of parent activity in School District 158 (Algonquin, Lake in the Hills, Lakewood, Huntley, Union), where parents have banded together to address the services that their special education children are (not) getting. Somehow, in some way, they found one another and, through the power of numbers, they now have the attention of the school district administrators.

Three of the four key special education department administrators left District 158 recently. Is that merely a coincidence? Did they all end up in the same (new) school district?

What does District 200 do for parents of students in Special Education? Anything, except the direct education (we hope) of the students?

A few years ago District 200 started a support group for parents of students in Special Education called Parent-2oo-Parent. I think it lasted one year - maybe two. They kicked me out because I wasn't a "parent". No matter that I was the very involved ex-step-parent in the child's life. That was why I got kicked out; I was asking too many questions and informing other parents of the special education rights of their children.

In District 200 parents of special education students are pretty much kept isolated from one another. No support group exists. No education or training for parents of special education students is provided. No meetings of parents. So parents don't get a chance to meet one another and find out who is satisfied and who is not.

An IEP is supposed to be a "team" effort; a partnership, a collaboration, a working together by parents, teachers and staff for the benefit of the student.

The efforts of special education parents in District 158 should be a model for District 200. And it can be, IF enough parents show up and speak out.

Contact me at gusphilpot@aol.com and I shall build an email distribution list of parents in D200 for communication about special education services and programs that we'd like to have. Or just email me your suggestions. Better yet - post them right here as Comments for all to read.

District 200 will get a bunch of stimulus money. Let's see how they are supposed to spend it and how they do spend it.

I can tell you how quickly 12 years pass. The parents of younger students now in D200 Special Education should not have to fight all the same battles that those of us who have learned the rights of our children had to fight. Somewhere, there should be progress that stays in place.

Read the articles in local papers that followed Thursday night's meeting. Yes! Thursday night - the night before a holiday week-end!

www.nwherald.com/articles/2009/07/02/r_4rdpzzoxr8ynqcj1l7rclg/index.xml

www.dailyherald.com/story/?id=304531

ISBE helps SpecEd Parents

The new Illinois State Board of Education (ISBE) Parent's Guide explaining, in plain language, special education in Illinois has been published online. Hard copies are not yet available. Here is the link:

www.isbe.state.il.us/spec-ed/html/parent_rights.htm

Every parent of a student in Special Education in an Illinois school should have this (and I haven't even read it yet).

Don't count on getting information about it from your school district. It may be as rare as a block of ice on a hot July day. A few years ago there was a terrific ten-page Memo issued by the Special Education Division of ISBE that outlined what school districts must do for students in Special Education. A strong suggestion in the Memo was that the Memo should be disseminated to all parents of students in Special Education.

Was it?

That Memo had to be one of the best-kept secrets in the State of Illinois. About nine months after it was published, I learned of it through a parent support group in Rockford. The District 200 Superintendent didn't know about it. I could understand that the Superintendent might not have known about it, but I have never believed that the Special Education Department didn't know about it. And even after I brought it to their attention, information about it was never distributed to the parents of the then-900 students in Special Education.

Why not? My answer is, it's better for parents to be kept in the dark about the full range of services to which their children in Special Education are entitled.

But that's changing. parents are learning what the schools must do.

The interesting part is, if schools did more of what they are supposed to do (by law), their costs would probably go down!

FASlink

FASlink? What is it? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome link.

If your child might be affected by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Effect, check out this website: www.faslink.org/

Having a hard time dealing with Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity (ADHD), obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and other alphabet-soup disorders? The more you can learn, the better you will be able to deal with it - to keep yourself centered and as calm as possible, and not escalate your child's unwanted behaviors.

Share this information with your child's teachers. Make sure they understand what is causing your child's behaviors. Don't accept "lip service" from them. If they don't "get" it, see that they do.

See that the proper Behavior Intervention Plan is in place. Many BIPs only make the problems worse - because of the Plan itself (which may not even be a plan) and the way in which it is implemented.

Watch this site for developing information on important parent support groups. Teachers and staff must understand why a child might be behaving in a certain way, in order to understand how to deal with it.

Chicago Abilities Expo - June 25-27

A national expo for persons with disabilities (and their familes and caregivers) will be held this Thursday, Friday and Saturday in Schaumburg.

Admission is free. For complete information, go to www.abilitiesexpo.com/chicago/index.html

Day One: Focused for professional therapists and healthcare workers who will attend dynamic educational seminars (earning CEU's to comply with their professional requirements) and a relaxed, informal networking reception at the end of the day.

Day Two:Focused for adult consumers and those with age-related fitness issues. This day will feature sessions about intimacy for people with disabilities, fashion and cooking shows, workshops on caring for a growing population and much more.

Day Three: Focused for families with sessions and activities for the entire family from kids to grandparents and those in between. Families come to Abilities Expo for a well-rounded experience that is both informative and fun.

Saturday's family day will be 10:00AM-5:00PM. Location? Schaumburg Convention Center, which is located on the east side of Meacham Road, north of the Illinois Tollway, south of Algonquin Road (Route 62). For those with GPSs, just plug in 1551 North Thoreau Drive, Schaumburg, IL 60173.

For advocacy information, be sure to attend Myra Christian's presentation at 2:00PM on Saturday, "Preparing for your child's future as an independent adult." Myra is with the Family Resource Center on Disabilities (FRCD). I met Myra in about 1997, and FRCD gave me a good start on my path of educational advocacy.

For information about FRCD and its programs and services, visit http://www.frcd.org/

Special Ed Group in Algonquin

Algonquin School District 158 is really stepping up to the plate this summer and is forming a Parent Advisory Committee for parents of students with special needs. And it appears that this group is being designed to actually use their minds, brains and voices and offer information and opinions TO the school district. Bravo!

I received the following emailed announcement of the first meeting:

"District 158 will host an organizational meeting July 2nd for its first Special Needs Parent Advisory Committee.The purpose of the committee is to allow parents of special needs children the opportunity to provide information, guidance, advice and support to the special services department.

"The committee also would assist in planning and coordinating activities aimed toward effective parental involvement, assist in improving public relations through community and business representatives and advise staff on specific program areas.

"All parents of special needs children in the district are invited to attend the meeting, which is from 6 to 7:30pm in Room 180 of the District 158 Administrative Office, 650 Academic Drive in Algonquin.

"The tentative agenda includes a discussion of strengths and concerns of the district's special education program, as well as goals for the year.

"For information, call Associate Superintendent Terry Awrey at (847) 659-6131."

Three cheers to District 158. It sounds like this program could be a model for every school district in McHenry County!

This article will also be posted on www.woodstockadvocate.com

IFF Conference, Springfield, June 27

The Illinois Federation of Families will hold a one-day conference in Springfield on Saturday, June 27.

Springfield, you say? That's 200 miles from here. Well, don't stop reading yet. The conference topic is "Parenting Youth With Emotional Challenges: Effective Interventions".

This is really great. I received the notice today. Early Bird Registration (until May 22) was $15 for parents, family members and caregivers. (Today is June 12!). Registration deadline is Monday, June 15, and the full rate is only $25 for parents, family members and caregivers. Sorry for the late notice. But don't let a little thing like a June 15 "deadline" keep you from going. Push a little (you probably won't have to push much) and just say, "I just heard about it."

For information or answers to your questions, contact
Cindy Sheppard: 630-661-0314 cshep@sbcglobal.net
or
Sue Gordon: 815-814-3893 s.gordon3@comcast.net

I was hoping to find the conference brochure online, but apparently it is not (yet). Don't bother to go to the website for IFF or call the phone number on the website. Or, if you do, don't get bugged if you don't find what you are looking for. Call either Cynthia or Sue at the numbers above.

There is a great room rate at the conference hotel - $70.00 single or double (of course, that rate was only good until June 5. So re-set the date on your calendar watch, and then call the Holiday Inn Express Crown Plaza at 217.529.7777 and try to twist their arms for this rate, unless you want a four-hour drive before and after the conference).

Dr. Mary McKay will be the keynote speaker. You can read all about her when the website link is working. If you can't wait, send me an email (gus@specialkids-specialparents.info), and I'll forward the email I received that has a link to the conference brochure (which I can't move from .pdf to this website).

SpecEd Bus Horror Story

This week I met a parent from Crystal Lake who related a horror story about bus transportation of his son on a special ed bus.

His 11-year-old son had a problem on his school bus. The bus transportation is provided for about nine students to a private therapeutic day school in Palatine. OK, so you tell me how an 11-year-old is supposed to endure a 90-minute bus ride twice a day! Half his life is on the bus!

Anyway, so as a result of the problem, a Crystal Lake police officer showed up. He took the kid into custody. The parent referred to it as arrest, but it may not have been that, legally. He was taken to the station for a "station adjustment", as the cops like to call it. The parents were prevented from immediate access to their child.

And the cop's comment about their son, who has autism? "I don't care if he is deaf, dumb and blind, I'm going to treat him like everyone else."

Man, talk about sensitive! This cop apparently has no understanding of special education and how to deal with, and relate to, children with special needs. And his assignment is apparently to deal with youth!

Many police officers and deputies have received Crisis Intervention training. All of them should have it, but it's expensive because it requires attendance at a 40-hour course. Frankly, I cannot understand why it takes 40 hours of training. One good 8-hour day ought to be adequate to cover the basics. And then you give more training to a handful of officers or deputies, and you call them as needed.

Parents of special ed students are often kept isolated from one another by school districts. This keeps parents from aligning with one another and creating the sufficient power of a group to effect positive changes in their school districts.

School districts are supposed to offer parent training. Ha! Just try to get that in your child's IEP, even those the Special Ed Department of the Illinois State Board of Education covered it in a Memo several years ago.

When schools interfere with parents

Do schools have the right to interfere with a parent's inquiry into a student's educational progress?

Parents turn over their children to schools for major parts of a kid's life. We expect them to educate our children and to be fair in their treatment and decisions involving the students.

What happens when a staff person at a school interferes with a parent who is seeking information about the services required to be provided to his student?

In my case, I am the ex-step-parent of a 20-year-old student in the Age 18-21 Transition Program here in Woodstock. I say "ex-step-parent", because his mother and I divorced nine years ago. I'm sure the District would prefer that I would had abandoned him and left Woodstock in 2000, but I didn't. For all practical purposes I'm his dad.

For legal purposes he signed a very broad Authorization recently that permits the school district to give me anything I ask for in terms of records and reports about the school year. It was unlimited in scope. It did not give me the authority to make any changes in his Individualized Education Program (IEP), but I could get the reports which were not presented at the Annual Review required of every IEP.

One week before the IEP I requested the reports, in order to study them and be able to ask questions. Not only did I not receive the reports, I didn't even receive an acknowledgement of my request!

At the IEP the Case Manager's supervisor ran the meeting and jumped right over any discussion of what had transpired during the past nine months.

After the meeting the Authorization was presented to the school district and I requested the missing reports. And so what happened?

The student got called into the Case Manager's supervisor's office and asked if he really wanted me to have what I was asking for! How's that for undermining a parent's role in a student's life??? What she should have done was provide the information. His Authorization was complete.

According to the Illinois State Board of Education, a school district cannot unilaterally refuse or fail to provide a service or program of instruction that the IEP Team has agreed to.

In this case the student refused to participate in a special reading program. I don't have all the details about it yet, but I understand that it was well below his reading level, rather than being structured to advance his reading level. They should have selected an appropriate program and administered it correctly. And then, if he still refused, an IEP meeting should have been called to discuss the problems. As a last resort, the program could have been removed from the IEP.

But a school cannot just decide, on its own, to drop a program that is in the IEP. And that's exactly what they did.

I'm not done with my complaint about the actions of the district's special education administrative supervisor in this case. We're going to get to the bottom of it, and in a way that such an action is never repeated.

New website for mental illness information

Having trouble finding information about various mental illness conditions and disorders. Don’t know where to start?

The following information was received about a new blog and information base for bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses, but I think it is much broader than that.

Here is a free blog on which parents can check out several different illnesses. Psychiatric disorders include ADD and ADHD, Bipolar, Depression and Anxiety. Doctors who moderate the blog are reportedly on staff at Harvard.

www.physiciansforpatients.com

The main website includes links to all conditions, topics, doctor credentials, and background.

For bipolar, in particular, go to http://bipolar.physiciansforpatients.com

Physicians for Patients is a physician enhanced online support community. A physician is dedicated to each site to help guide discussions and answer questions. This resource will enable people to share information and obtain alternative opinions.

The bipolar information physician is Brian Gondos, MD, whose specialty is Psychiatry. Dr. Gondos is dedicated to the Bipolar site. He is board certified and trained in Psychiatry at Harvard University and Massachusetts General Hospital/McLean Hospital.

This is a new website and is being developed, so have patience.

C.H.A.D.D. - June 3

The next C.H.A.D.D. meeting is this coming Wednesday, June 3, 2009, at 6:45 p.m., at Family Service in McHenry. Family Service is located at 4100 Veterans Parkway, just east of Illinois Route 31 and about one mile south of Bull Valley Road.

The June topic is Time Savings Techniques, and the speaker will be Erin Kelly of "Arranged By Erin". The presentation is directed at adults but much of what Erin will cover can be transferred to helping your children learn about time management and ADD.

Family Service offers free childcare for children over 4. Meetings are open to all and are free.

For more information, contact Lyn Purpura, Coordinator

www.chadd.net/109

Email: lyn.chadd@sbcglobal.net

Cell phone: 815.651.1125

Parent of a child with FAS?

Are you the parent or caregiver of a school-age child or children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)?

The Family Empowerment Network in Wisconsin will host a one-hour teleconference on school advocacy for families affected by FASD. The call will take place on Tuesday, June 9, 2009, from 11:00AM-Noon.

Terri M., a mother from northwestern Wisconsin, will be their guest and will talk about her successful school advocacy efforts for her daughter this past year. She was at a point of frustration because the school wasn't responding to her requests for accommodations for her daughter, who was having meltdowns daily after school.

The IEP didn't address the behaviors that Terri was seeing. This is a success story you won't want to miss. You can plan to come away with some valuable tips. Terri also has an organizational tool that she developed that she will share with you.

This teleconference is primarily for Wisconsin residents but, space permitting, will be open to those beyond the state line.

For call-in information, call Patti Cameron, Coordinator, at (608) 262-6590. Call June 1st or after, as she is out of the office this week. If you just can’t wait to inquire or register, call Dr. Georgiana Wilton at (608) 261-1419. If there is space available, you will be given the toll-free telephone number and the access code for the teleconference.

I can personally relate to this mother because of the difficulties that I encountered when trying to solve extreme absenteeism problems about five years ago. The school’s response was, “Our responsibility ends at the curb in front of the school.” I knew that wasn’t true. Anything that affected the child’s education needed to be addressed.

It cost the school district over $150,000 for three years of therapeutic day school expenses and 60 miles of daily transportation. While I’m glad they spent it, the student missed a rich high school education and friends, as he was excluded from activities. The whole issue of “Inclusion” was ignored during that time.

Parent Empowerment Call-in

On June 4 there will be two education telephone call-in programs for Illinois parents who have a child with an emotional and/or behavioral concern. These tele-meetings will focus on giving parents the information they need to advocate for and to support their children.

The program, called Parent Empowerment Call-Ins, will present "Empowering parents With Measured Outcomes."

The programs are free and even offer a tollfree number. Pick one of the following; then call 2-3 minutes before the starting time. Enter the access code and wait for the program to being.

Thursday, June 4, 2009, 12:00-1:00PM
Call (800) 260-0719
Enter Participant Access Code: 102408

Thursday, June 4, 2009, 7:00-8:00PM
Call (800) 260-0719
Enter Participant Access Code: 102409

These programs are sponsored by the Illinois Department of Human Services, Division of Mental Health, Child and Adolescent Services.

After all, what good is a goal, if it is not specific and does not have a deadline?

For years I have attempted to get S.M.A.R.T. goals in my stepson's Individualized Educaiton Programs in District 200.

Specific
Measured
Appropriate
Realistic
Time-oriented ( a deadline)

Maybe, if all parents demand SMART goals, we'll get them into use.

You can forward this article to any parent with a child in Special Education by clicking on the small envelope below the article. Enter that parent's email address and your own; then send. The email addresses remain private and are used for no purpose other than to send that one message.

Tourette Syndrome - know this one?

ABC-TV showed a re-run tonight of its special on Tourette Syndrome, a neurological disorder affecting 1 in 1,000 children and affecting boys about three times as often as girls.

This was a powerful program that should be seen by every parent, school teacher, staff and administrator, family, because you will encounter a child or an adult with Tourette Syndrome.

The children in the program have extreme cases; many are not so severe.

Tourette Syndrome is marked by motor tics (twitching, involuntary movements of body, face, eyes, arms, head) and vocal tics, such as barking, squealing and shrieking. One of the tics is swearing, over which the child (or adult) has no control. He or she will just blurt out the words.

Several years ago a consultant told me she had encountered an executive in a major company whose employees complained to her about his swearing. At that time I was able to help her with basic information about Tourette Syndrome and steer her to the national association for this disorder, so that she could further educate herself and help her clients.

It is critical that teachers and other students understand this disorder, as well as other emotional and mental disorders, so that they accept and include these children.

For more information, go to the Tourette Syndrome Association website at http://tsa-usa.org/

You might check ABC.com and see whether this program can be viewed online. And the Tourette Syndrome Association may offer copies of this program for sale online or by telephone. Every school should own a copy of this program!

Bullying is alive and well in schools

Whatever happened to "thinking" in schools, especially when it comes to dealing with kids in special education?

A friend wrote about her son's experience in his new school. He was doing very well in adjusting to his new school, and they seemed to really understand his disability - for the first time, in a long time. Now, we're not talking Woodstock here...

Okay, so today the boy comes home and has been kicked off a field trip because he hit another student at school.

The back story? The other kid had been teasing this boy and also thrown his Math book into the stair well (according to the school counselor). And the discipline for the other kid? Nothing. He didn't get bumped from the field trip.

Yes, there ought to be zero tolerance for hitting in school, but there should be zero tolerance for teasing, too, since it's a form of bullying. It's not just a "form" of bullying; IT IS BULLYING.

If I were the Principal, either they'd both get kicked off the field trip or, better yet, sit them down and have them work out their disagreements, and provide some strong coaching to both. And then send them both on the field trip.

Isn't this what we want our kids to learn? Work out your disagreements.

If they don't do it this way, then the kid who didn't go on the field trip will have it "in" for the one who teased him, and there will be more "occurrences." Duh.....

Webinar will be online

If you missed tonight's webinar with Heather Forbes ("I'm the one who needs the time-out"), you can catch it online at www.JourneyToMe.com Heather is the mother of two adopted Russian children. Everything she mentioned certainly sounded familiar!

Heather's own website is www.beyondconsequences.com She is the author of three books:
- Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control, Volumes 1 and 2, and
- Dare to Love

How about this quote from one of her slides? "Problems and happiness have no relationship." Have you read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning?

If you are in Denver and interested in a two-day workshop with Heather this week-end (May 15-16), go to www.EveryDayIsMothersDay.com

Tonight's webinar was sponsored by Journey to Me, The Adoption Gathering Place. Donations to support the organization and these monthly webinars are appreciated.

The Bridge Builder

A local school district vocational coach mentioned this poem during a meeting last week. It's a good one.

The Bridge Builder

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.

The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fear for him;
But he turned, when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near,
"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again will pass this way;
You've crossed the chasm, deep and wide-
Why build you this bridge at the evening tide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head:
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today,
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.

This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building this bridge for him."

The Bridge Builder is a poem written by the acclaimed author Will Allen Dromgoole (1860-1934). "The Bridge Builder" is often reprinted and remains quite popular. It has even graced plaques on real bridges such as the Bellows Falls--Vilas Bridge in Connecticut. It continues to be quoted frequently, usually in a religious context or in writings stressing a moral lesson. It is also a favorite of motivational speakers.

"The Bridge Builder" is also used by many Fraternities to promote the idea of building links for the future and passing the torch along for the next generation.

It was possibly first published in 1900 in the now-rare book A Builder. By 1931 Ms. Dromgoole had published thirteen books, 7,500 poems and 5,000 columns of essays, making her one of the most prolific of Tennessee writers. More about her can be read at www.lib.utk.edu/refs/tnauthors/authors/dromgoole-w.html

The poem is quoted in its entirety, as it appears in Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Reprinted with blanket permission of Wikipedia.

PEG in McHenry and Algonquin

PEG (Parent Empowerment Group), operating under the auspices of the McHenry County CARE/Family Council (a program of the McHenry County Mental Health Board), now meets in McHenry and in Algonquin.

Are you the parent/caregiver of a child or youth with significant needs due to a mental health diagnosis, medications, an IEP, inappropriate behavior or defiance issues?

Do you feel alone or in need of support?

Do you want a safe place to discuss the challenges of parenting your "special" child?

Join one (or both? any chance of nightly??? (who, me? stressed today?) of these groups for parents/caregivers. Learn new skills, share information and become empowered. Everyone is welcome.

Look out, world; here we come!!!

Algonquin:
1st and 3rd Wednesdays
7:00-8:30PM
Colonial Cafe meeting room
2555 West Bunker Hill Drive
Contact: Mary Humphrey, 815-788-4364

McHenry:
2nd and last Tuesday
7:00-8:30PM
Family Service - 2nd floor, Room 11
4111 Veterans Parkway
Contact: Teri Lindahl, 815-353-9902

Parenting Webinar - this Tuesday

The amount of support available to parents of kids with special needs is overwhelming. The only problem is so little of it is here in McHenry County, Illinois. Or, if it's here, it's hard to find.

A "webinar" (seminar on the web) will be presented this Tuesday at 7:30PM CDT (CORRECTION 5/12/09: The correct starting time is 6:30PM MDT (7:30PM CDT)) by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW, founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute in Boulder, Colorado.

This teaser got my attention: "I'm the One Who Needs a Time-out!" How true!!!

You can sign up for this webinar at https://cc.readytalk.com/cc/schedule/display.do?udc=1isxuthm8cbog

If you sign up, be sure to show up. Your space will be held for you, and you might keep another participant away by reserving a spot and not showing up. It's free.

Watch the first video clip first on Heather's website at www.beyondconsequences.com/

D155 Parent University - May 16

Crystal Lake (Ill.) High School District 155, along with McHenry County Family CARE, will be hosting a Parent University on Saturday, May 16th, from 8:00am to 12:30pm at Crystal Lake South High School, 1200 McHenry Ave., Crystal Lake.

Participants should have a child in 8th through 12th grade, entering or in any District 155 school.

Registration is requested by May 8. Walk-in registrations will be accepted based on space availability. Child care is available for children ages 3 to 8 and must be indicated upon registration.

The keynote address is using "Love & Logic and Effectively Handling Power Struggles with Children". The keynote will be followed by three break-out periods with a variety of offerings during each period, including:

Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Bi-Polar Teens
Signs & Symptoms of Drug and Alcohol Use
Anger Management
Legal Issues at Home and on the Roads
A Day in the Life: Navigating the School System
Healthy Coping Behaviors
Bullying and Internet Issues
Let's Talk and Sex. . .and Healthy Relationships
Overcoming the Rigors of High School with Good Study Skills, and
College Issues and Parent Separation Anxiety

CelebrateCalm was in Eden Prairie, Minn.

A friend in Minneapolis attended Kirk Martin's Celebrate Calm event last Monday evening. I had told her about him and had suggested she attend. As the date neared, I urged her to attend and also to take her 15-year-old son with her. And then, the day before, I "told" not to skip the event.

And here is what she wrote, after attending (I took the liberty of changing their names):

"Thank you so much for the 'push' you gave me yesterday about not missing Kirk's presentation!! I was looking for ways of getting out of going for many legitimate reasons, but I went because I knew I wouldn't be able to face you again if I didn't. He was fantastic, and both Tony and I got soooooooooooooo much useful information from him. I went up when we took a break and introduced myself as 'a friend of Gus Philpott's from Woodstock, IL', and he said "Oh, you're Melissa!" He then spent the rest of the break talking to Tony, and relating to him in a way I don't think anyone other than you has related to him. During the second half of the presentation he included Tony in a few of his examples as an example of the intelligent and creative kids that will be very successful. You should have seen Tony's face!!! I don't think they needed the overhead lighting that was being used because the light in his eyes would have light up the entire room! ... I'm hoping (to) purchase (his tapes soon). I think they would be priceless in helping Tony to achieve success with his peers, school, and any other personal or professional relationships he will have in his life, and give him a lot of direction to help him find his way. And it will probably help me live to see another 10 or 20 years!!!"

Check out www.CelebrateCalm.com I think you'll be glad you did. Kirk travels throughout the eastern half of the U.S. His events are listed on his website.

Celebrate Calm was in Huntley

Kirk Martin, Director of Celebrate Calm, presented a fast-paced, informative workshop for parents of children with special needs this morning in Huntley. If you were waiting for him to come back to this area, you missed him. He had practical information for building relationships with children who are often classified by their diagnoses, rather than by their behaviors.

Kirk kept the large audience engaged for two hours, and many parents stayed after the scheduled 11:30AM closing to hear more and to ask questions. Kirk and his son, Casey, are Minneapolis-bound this afternoon, after presenting a three-hour workshop this afternoon for teachers.

I urge you to visit www.CelebrateCalm.com and to sign up for Kirk's free e-newsletter. His workshops on CDs are great, too.

Kirk truly makes a difference in the lives of those who show up for his workshops. Check out his travel schedule. When you know someone who lives along the path of Kirk's workshops, why not do them a real favor and let them know about Kirk's workshops? And let teachers know, too.

CHADD on April 20

Seems like it has been a while since McHenry County had an active CHADD group and now it does. What is CHADD? Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

The April Parent CHADD meeting's guest speaker will be Cari Levin, LCSW, who will speak on the topic of "How to manage a stressful life: Survival Kit for Parents of Special Needs Children". Scheduled for Monday, April 20th at 6:45PM, the meeting -- which is open to all -- will be held at Family Service's 3rd floor community room. Free childcare services are provided.

Family Service is located at 4100 Veterans Parkway, just east of Route 31 and south of Gary Lang Auto Group. Questions? Call Sherry Blass at 815/385-6400.

I visited a CHADD group in about 1997, when I was first learning about mental health issues. I was the "token male" at the meeting, and one of the woman mentioned a special education rights advocate from Crystal Lake. She had had significant problems at her child's school, and she said the advocate from Crystal Lake was one mean (well, I'll leave out her exact words). I made sure I got his name and phone number from her, and he was immensely helpful in dealing with District 200.

I hired him to attend an IEP, and it lasted 3 hours and 45 minutes - without a break. The attorney for the school district was there, because she heard he would be there. In the last 15 minutes I rejected everything they offered. The attorney asked what we wanted, and I named four accommodations. Her response? "No problem."

If he hadn't been there, we wouldn't have gotten any of them! And so I'll always thank that CHADD group, whoever they were at that time. I don't even recall where that meeting was held - somewhere in McHenry, I think.

Check out the national group's website at www.chadd.org

School and chess

What does chess have to do with school?

Last night I watched the 2005 movie, Knights of the South Bronx, starring Ted Danson and Keke Palmer. If you care about kids and believe in them, this is a must-see movie.

Danson portrays the type of teacher so desperately needed in our schools today. Teachers who care and show it. We have a lot of teachers who "say" they care. OK, I'm going to ruffle some teachers by challenging them to "show" that they care.

How many teachers have ever gone to a student's home to see the conditions in which he lives? Maybe then they'd understand why the student comes to school in a bad mood or dirty or hungry.

When a teacher asks, "How's everything at home?" and hears, "Uhhh, okay" and never follows up. he or she will not have a clue about what goes on at home.

I've had more than one school administrator tell me that their responsibility stops at the curb in front of the school building. Well, that's not so. They have the obligation to understand everything that affects the student's ability to learn, and sometimes they are just going to have to leave the comfortable confines of the school building and go on a little field trip to a student's home.

April 18 - Celebrate CALM - for teachers

Are you a teacher of children with special needs?

Are you ever frustrated by students who fidget, constantly need to be redirected and distract others? Do you have a handful of students who demand all your time? Ever wonder why certain students struggle with anxiety and anger?

Save the date and plan to be in Huntley for "10 Brain-Boosters - Interventions for the 21st Century Classroom." Kirk Martin returns to our area for a powerful, three-hour, humorous (Yes! there can be humor in all this!), practical workshop. Kirk was in Woodstock last fall, and many parents and educators drove miles to hear him.

* 15 practical interventions to improve attention and retention.
* Behavior plans that build confidence and work long-term instead of reinforcing negative behavior.
* The correct way to calm an angry, frustrated or violent child.
* How to turn distracting, impulsive students into classroom leaders.
* Transfer ownership of academic and behavioral success to students.

Kirk will be available afterward to answer specific questions.

When? Saturday, April 18, 2009
Time? 1:30pm - 4:30 pm (arrive early for a good seat!)
Place? Faith Community Pre-School, 10547 Faiths Way, Huntley, Illinois
Information? www.CelebrateCALM.com

See separate article for information about the morning afternoon program for parents.

April 18 - Celebrate CALM for Parents

Are you a parent of a child with special needs? How about a grandparent of one? Or a teacher of one (or more)?

Save the date and plan to be in Huntley for "10 Keys to a Stress-Free Home & School". Kirk Martin returns to our area for a powerful, two-hour, humorous (Yes! there can be humor in all this!), practical workshop. Kirk was in Woodstock last fall, and many parents and educators drove miles to hear him.

* Create a calm home - eliminate yelling and arguing.
* Improve focus, attention and behavior in school.
* Build confidence & social skills.
* Create stress-free morning routines and discipline.
* Relieve anxiety and sensory integration issues.

Kirk's workshop is FREE. No need even to register.

When? Saturday, April 18, 2009
Time? 9:30am - 11:30am (arrive early for a good seat!)
Place? Faith Community Pre-School, 10547 Faiths Way, Huntley, Illinois
Information? Call (224) 569-6512
More? www.CelebrateCALM.com

A professional development program for educators will be offered in the afternoon, same location. 1:30pm - 4:30 pm. The afternoon program is for teachers. See separate article for information about the afternoon program.

Parents: come to the morning session.

B.A. vs. Ph.D. - No difference?

What would you think of a school board member who thinks there is no difference between a school district superintendent with a Bachelor's degree and one with a Doctorate?

Or a school board member who didn't even know what a Ph.D. is?

Maybe in a third-world country? Maybe in Wyoming? Maybe in Mississippi? What about right here in McHenry County???

Any guesses as to what district? Be nice.

Advocating for your kids

Learn how to advocate for legislative change to positively affect the future for our children.

Sometimes you have to go screaming to the top of the food chain to make change happen for the betterment of your kids' education. Or many other things.

But one voice at a time is not likely to cause change. What you must know is how to get things done.

This Wednesday, April 8, 2009, Families etc., (formerly known as the Parent Empowerment Group and, before that, the Parent Council) of the Family CARE Project will hold its monthly meeting (2nd Wednesday of the month) at the office of the McHenry County Mental Health Board, 620 Dakota Street, Crystal Lake. Google it. It's near 176 & Pingree (or, if you prefer, near Terra Cotta and Terra Cotta; how's that for confusing?).

Mark your calendars now.

The time: 6:00 – 8:00 p.m., 620 Dakota Street, Crystal Lake

The topic? Legislative Advocacy

The speaker? Dawn Melchiorre, Senior Policy Director, Voices 4 Kids Illinois
Don’t miss this opportunity to get involved!!(Childcare and a light dinner is provided) The program is free, but reservations are recommended. For more information, to reserve a place or to indicate a need for childcare, please contact Mary at 815-566-0710 (mary@familiesetc.org) or Michelle at 815-566-0709 (michelle@familiesetc.org.)

This announcement is also posted on www.woodstockadvocate.com

Ordered off school property

OK, parents. What do you think of this one?

How about a situation where an elementary kid can flip off another student and his parent and, when the other parent attempts to complain, that parent gets a letter from the school district superintendent, threatening her with Trespassing if she sets foot on school grounds?

How can that parent take her children to school or pick them up, if she must stay off school grounds? Oh, ride the bus, you say? Not with the history of abuse on that school bus!

How about when a young elementary school girl comes home with human excrement smeared on her clothing, and the school won't do anything about it?

Would you say there is a huge problem with this school, its staff and its superintendent?

Not only is there a huge civil rights problem here, but there is also a criminal problem, because the parent was battered by a school district employee - on school grounds!

Next, toss in a DCFS worker who battered her child on the child's own home property.

Just how big are the problems in that small school district? Where is it? Not in Chicago. Not in Cook County. In McHenry County, Illinois!

Kirk Martin - back in Chicagoland

Kirk Martin will be back in the Chicago area this month and next, and I urge you to attend one of his two-hour workshops for parents and teachers. Visit his website to learn who he is and what he is all about. I highly recommend his free email newsletter, too.

You can find dates and locations on www.CelebrateCalm.com

He'll be in the western suburbs this month, and in April he has a workshop scheduled in Huntley.

I have sent information to District 200, in hopes that they would schedule him, but I haven't heard anything about it. Wouldn't it be nice if District 200 began providing workshops and other services to parents of students in Special Education?

Parents & Teachers as Allies

What a novel idea! And this is the way it should be. What if teachers and parents of children with special needs actually worked together for the benefit of the student???

Once a month the Family Involvement Team (formerly known as the Parent Council) of the Family CARE Project of McHenry County meets at the McHenry County Mental Health Board, 620 Dakota Street in Crystal Lake. This is a parent-led group for parents of children with a mental health diagnosis.

The speakers this evening drove from Wheaton to present a new NAMI program called Parents & Teachers as Allies. What's NAMI? National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Pat Doyle, Education Program Director of NAMI-DuPage, and her colleague, Brenda (whose last name, unfortunately, I did not write down), presented an excellent new program that is designed to help teachers better understand mental illness and the classroom experience with, and of, students with mental illness.

Not that they don't have the experience" with it; they do. What may be lacking in many schools is the understanding of the experience. A two-hour in-service has been designed for teachers and staff of schools, and a shortened version is designed for classroom presentation and other settings, such as workplace, church groups, service groups and any other setting where people gather.

The NAMI-DuPage team started with three people and has grown to more than 40. They present about 300 programs in a year and use a set of first-class materials.

For more information about this or the Family Involvement Team, send an email to gus@specialkids-specialparents.info and I'll help you contact the right people.

The Family Involvement Team meets on the second Wednesday of each month at the Mental Health Board. Arrive at 6:00PM, enjoy a light supper (no charge) and learn during the program from 6:30-8:00PM. Reservations are not required, but it is helpful if you will email Michelle at mlaluz@mc708.org to let her know you will attend, so that an adequate amount of food can be on hand.

The April 8th meeting will feature Educational Advocacy, and the speaker will be Dawn Melchiorre, Senior Policy Director, Voices 4 Kids - Illinois. Learn how to advocate for legislative change to positively affect the future for our children.

De-toxify your home!

The next TACA (Talk About Curing Autism) meeting in Crystal Lake will be on Saturday, March 21, 2009 from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m.

The guest speaker will be Dr. Julie R. Wilson, a chiropractor and nutritionist from Dr. Mercola's Natural Health Center at 3200 West Higgins Road in Hoffman Estates. Dr. Wilson will be presenting on how to detoxify your home — water quality, air quality, personal hygiene products, home cleaning products, paint and floor coverings in the home, toxicity in toys, and the effects of electromagnetic fields.

Learn what chemicals and substances to avoid in your home environment.

The meeting will be at Home State Bank's Community Meeting Room (basement level), 611 S. Main Street (just south of the intersection of Rt. 14 and Main St.), Crystal Lake, Ill.

For more details about this speaker and future meetings visit the TACA website: http://meetup. tacanow.org/ illinois/ index.html

No childcare will be available at this meeting. If you have any questions, call Linda at 847-961-6914.

Guardianship Program - well done!

Today's workshops on guardianship and powers of attorney, presented this morning at 11:00AM and repeated at 3:00PM, were well done and worth the time to attend. I attended this afternoon and heard that there were many more in the audience at this morning's session.

This afternoon's smaller audience meant more personal attention to the specific needs of those attending, and the session was structuring around questions asked by the audience. Some were familiar with guardianship and powers of attorney; others are just starting down the path of learning.

Speakers included two attorneys, Bob Farley and Brian Rubin, two providers of coaching and advocacy services, Annette Hammortree and Carl (Monk?) of Protected Tomorrows (sorry, Carl, I didn't get your last name), Deborah Leurquin of the Office of State Guardian and Rahnee Patrick, participating on the panel as a person with a disability.

If you are, or know, a person with a developmental or mental health disability who might need or want information on guardianships or powers of attorney, I'll be glad to provide contact information for those on the panel. Just let me know.

Discussions included guardianships of the person or the estate, special needs trusts, payback trusts, SSI, and other topics of concern to persons with disabilities and to their caregivers.

Get involved with your schools

Parents are busy - no doubt about it.

And parents of children with special needs are even busier, often with activities and needs that other parents could barely comprehend.

Join your parent-teacher organization (PTO) or whatever it is called at your child's school(s). Don't hang out at home on the nights when you could have a chance to interact with the school's principal and perhaps even other key administrators at the school.

A PTO should not be just a fundraiser (or, as some schools might call it - a "fun-raiser"). Get involved! Be involved, stay involved.

Have you ever attended a semi-monthly meeting of the District 200 School Board? These meetings rotate from one school to another through the District, and it's not for the purpose of avoiding you. These meetings come to your schools, so that it's convenient for you.

So, get off your duffs. Check out schedule at www.woodstockschools.org. Put some of these meetings on your evening schedule. Show up and meet your elected School Board members.

By the way, this is a good time to find out who is running for election to the School Board. Go to a Meet the Candidates meeting and speak with them. These meetings are for all parents.

Reading at Prairiewood Elementary

Yesterday I participated in District 200's Love-to-Read Week and spent most of a class period with a wonderful group of kids and teachers at Prairiewood Elementary School in Woodstock District 200.

When the teacher called me, she told me that the kids to whom I would be reading were in wheelchairs and were "Life Skills" students. That would not have been enough information for many readers, but it was for me, and I was ready, willing and able to share the time with students in Special Education.

I showed up with three of my own books and immediately realized I wouldn't use them. I was presented to the class, all of whom were seated on the floor of the classroom. A desk chair had been placed in front of them, but instead I chose to sit on the floor with them. Before I sat down, I asked if they knew what books could be used for. "For sitting on," and I put my books on the floor and sat on them!

I must have kept them entertained. They were a great audience. I think several grades were combined, and the three books I read were definitely for very young children, so I made sure that I turned the books with the pictures toward them.

I encourage everyone in Woodstock to participate in our schools. These students were, indeed, very special students, and the teachers and staff who work with them are among the most special. Often, the very best thing you can do is just show up. Be yourself. Be friendly. Hold up your end of the conversation. Make eye contact. Let them know you are glad to be in their presence.

And make sure that these special kids get included in all school activities.

Parent University Series

Families ETC (Families Empowered To Change), formerly known as the Parent Council of the Family CARE Project, will present its next program on February 28 (Saturday), 9:00AM-Noon.

"Putting the Individual in Every IEP." Presenter: Dr. Craig Minor, Asst. Professor, Department of Special Education and Communication Disorders, Southern Illinois University-Edwardsville.

Learn how to effectively prepare for and to participate in the IEP process to achieve better outcomes for your child.

And you might to mark ahead on your April 8 (Wednesday), 6:00-8:00PM calendar for a program on "Legislative Advocacy." The presenter will be Dawn Melchiorre, senior policy advocate, Voices4Kids.

Learn how to advocate for legislative change to positively affect the future for our children. A light dinner will be served at the April 8 meeting.

All meetings will be held at the McHenry County Mental Health Board, 620 Dakota Street, Crystal Lake, Ill. There is no charge for either program.

IEP Informational Program - Feb. 11

Coming up on Wednesday, February 11, 2009, is a presentation about Individual Education Programs (IEPs) and understanding IDEA (the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). This presentation is part of the Parent University Series, sponsored by Families ETC (Families Empowered to Change).

This will not be a dull, dreary, dry, boring program! Dr. Christy Chambers, former Superintendent of SEDOM, will keep you awake and interested in what you need to know to advocate effectively for your child in special education in any school in McHenry County (or elsewhere).

This program will be presented in the conference room of the McHenry County Mental Health Board, 620 Dakota Street, Crystal Lake, Ill. For directions, just "mapquest" it or plug the address into your GPS.

Christy presented an informative program to students a year or two ago to help them master the art of self-advocacy. Come to this program and learn the laws. You'll be a better advocate for your child, when you yourself know what the laws for special education students are.

Arrive at 6:00PM. Enjoy a light supper. The program will begin at 6:30PM and will conclude by 8:00PM.